The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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