everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
