Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize