THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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