You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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