dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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