i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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