At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
