Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
