i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
