I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
