Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
