It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I'm passing your future prison.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
