She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
