You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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