O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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