new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
