I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
