Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
