It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
