You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
