Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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