There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
