There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
