i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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