i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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