I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
