how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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