he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
