he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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