Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
