i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize