And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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