The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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