Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize