Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
