used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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