How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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