I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
