also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
