It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
