And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
