Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
