Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I party with great urgency now.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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