We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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