If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
try to milk me bitch
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