im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
