i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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