it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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