UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
