Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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