I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
