just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
