We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
