I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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