my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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