Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize