there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
