maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
