A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
