The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize