I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
