i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
