AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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