She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
