Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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