Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
