I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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