none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
