I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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