There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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