there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
PANTIES FOUND
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