hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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