her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize