Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
