in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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