grandma shit on top of the toilet
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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