Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize