I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
