Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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