he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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