every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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