I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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