I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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