He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
