And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
