The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she told me i tasted like america
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Randomize
