Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I believe in your delicious
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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