I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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