Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
