i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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