would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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