I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
