i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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