SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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