I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
