you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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