sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
try to milk me bitch
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
