No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
