he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
