I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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