Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize