just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize